Anal Sex Isn’t queer, gay, or bi
TL;DR
Sexual acts do not define sexual orientation. Enjoying anal sex does not make you gay or bisexual. Historically, anal stimulation has been part of male pleasure without stigma. This article explores the myths, history, and science of anal sex while offering safety and hygiene tips—specifically for Black men who deserve a shame-free space to explore their bodies.
The Problem
There is a harmful myth in our communities—especially among Black men—that enjoying anal sex automatically labels you as gay or bisexual. This stigma often stems from deep-rooted homophobia, toxic masculinity, and colonial teachings that disconnect men—particularly Black men—from their bodies and pleasure. As a result, many bi+ men and other men who have sex with men (MSM) feel ashamed, leading to secrecy, unsafe sex, or internalized shame that harms mental and emotional health.
In communities where masculinity is policed and vulnerability is taboo, the idea of anal pleasure becomes a battleground for identity, leading many men to ask questions like: “If I like anal, does that make me gay?” The answer is no.
The History
Long before Western colonialism and Christianity began regulating Black sexuality, many African, Indigenous, and even European societies viewed sexual pleasure—including anal pleasure—differently.
In ancient Kemet (Egypt), male-male intimacy was recorded in sacred art, such as the Tomb of Niankhkhnum and Khnumhotep, showing two male officials in affectionate poses.
In pre-colonial African societies, same-sex practices were often spiritual or initiatory and not tied to identity labels like “gay” or “straight” (Epprecht, 2008).
Greek and Roman societies, though structured by class and age, did not equate anal sex with being “homosexual.” Instead, it was about dominance, power, and pleasure.
The hyper-masculine rejection of anal pleasure is largely a colonial export. European colonialism criminalized same-sex activity and introduced rigid binaries of masculinity that erased the diversity of Black male sexuality.
The Psychology
Sexual orientation is defined by who you are emotionally, romantically, and/or sexually attracted to—not what you do in bed. Someone who is sexually stimulated by anal play, whether with a partner or solo, is exploring a form of physical pleasure—not a shift in sexual identity.
According to the American Psychological Association (2023), engaging in a sexual behavior typically associated with another orientation doesn’t determine your identity. This is crucial for bisexual, pansexual, queer, and questioning men who may feel guilt over certain kinds of pleasure.
The anus is packed with nerve endings, and for people with prostates, it can lead to intense, full-body orgasms. There is nothing inherently “gay” or “straight” about enjoying this kind of pleasure—just biology.
The Facts
Let’s ground this in some sexual health science:
The prostate, located a few inches inside the rectum, can create extremely pleasurable sensations when stimulated. It’s often called the “male G-spot” (Levin, 2014).
A 2016 study found that nearly one in five heterosexual men reported enjoying some form of anal stimulation (Herbenick et al., 2017).
Shame around anal pleasure is linked to reduced communication, less protection, and increased risk of STIs (CDC, 2021).
This misinformation disproportionately affects Black men, who already face systemic barriers to healthcare and honest sex education.
The Advice
So how can you enjoy anal sex safely, confidently, and without shame? Here are some tips:
Use plenty of lube – The anus doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina, so silicone or water-based lubricant is a must.
Start small and go slow – Whether using fingers, toys, or with a partner, gradual exploration is key to comfort and safety.
Communicate boundaries – Talk about what feels good and what doesn’t with any sexual partner.
Practice hygiene – A gentle rinse with warm water or using an anal douche can help. Always clean toys before and after use.
Use protection – Condoms help prevent the transmission of HIV and other STIs. Even in monogamous settings, it’s good practice.
Consider PrEP and DoxyPEP – PrEP protects against HIV, and DoxyPEP (taken within 72 hours after sex) helps prevent bacterial STIs. Black MSM remain the highest at-risk group for HIV in the U.S. (CDC, 2022).
Join the Conversation
Bi+ Black Men is about reclaiming our health, wholeness, and humanity. Exploring anal pleasure doesn’t define your identity—it confirms you’re human, curious, and deserving of joy. We are building a community that centers bi+ Black men in truth and pleasure, without shame. If you have questions, experiences, or want support, join us at bisexualblackmen.com/join.
Let’s rewrite the narrative—our pleasure is power, not a problem. Want to hear more on topics like this? Tune into the Bi+ Black Men Podcast, available on all platforms. We talk sex, identity, culture, and healing for our community. Check it out at bisexualblackmen.com/podcast.
References
American Psychological Association. (2023). Sexual orientation and homosexuality. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbtq/orientation
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2021). HIV and Gay and Bisexual Men. https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/group/msm/index.html
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022). HIV Surveillance Report, 2020. https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/library/reports/hiv-surveillance.html
Epprecht, M. (2008). Heterosexual Africa?: The History of an Idea from the Age of Exploration to the Age of AIDS. Ohio University Press.
Herbenick, D., Reece, M., Schick, V., Sanders, S. A., Dodge, B., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2017). Sexual behavior in the United States: Results from a national probability sample of men and women ages 14–94. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 14(5), 584–598.
Levin, R. J. (2014). The prostate and male sexual function. Nature Reviews Urology, 11(8), 555–562. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrurol.2014.172
