In Defense of DL Culture: Why Discreet Black Men Deserve Respect Too
TL;DR
DL (down-low) culture isn’t the villain it’s made out to be. For many bi+ and queer Black men, discretion isn’t about deception—it’s about safety, survival, and cultural complexity. In this article, we explore the truth about DL life, bust five harmful myths, give practical advice to DL men and those dating them, and celebrate the right to self-determination in all its forms. DL men are valid, and it’s time we said that out loud.
The Problem: DL Men Are Misunderstood and Erased
Being on the “down low” is one of the most demonized identities in modern sexuality discourse—especially when it comes to Black men. Too often, DL men are portrayed as predators, cheaters, or sources of disease. But this framing ignores the intense pressure that racism, hypermasculinity, and homophobia put on Black men—especially those raised in environments where openly expressing fluid sexual identity isn’t safe or accepted.
Instead of empathy or care, DL men are met with assumptions and judgment from both the straight and queer worlds. This erasure has created a dangerous stigma that discourages honest conversations and reinforces shame-based silence.
The Psychology: Why DL Culture Exists
DL identity is not new. In fact, men having same-sex encounters while maintaining discretion dates back centuries. In African diasporic history, colonization and slavery played major roles in policing and suppressing expressions of gender and sexuality, forcing many men into secrecy to survive (Somerville, 2000). In modern America, “DL” became a buzzword in the late 1990s and early 2000s—largely shaped by media fear-mongering and misinformation during the HIV/AIDS crisis.
DL culture often forms in response to intersecting pressures: religious guilt, community rejection, family obligation, and Black masculinity politics. A 2003 study in the Journal of Black Psychology found that many Black men on the DL are highly aware of their sexuality—but are navigating environments where authenticity could mean losing housing, employment, relationships, or even their lives (Malebranche, 2008).
What many see as “closeted” is actually a protective boundary. DL culture is, at its core, an emotional and social survival tactic.
The Facts: 5 Harmful Myths About DL Men
Myth 1: DL Men Are Deceitful by Nature
This assumption assumes dishonesty is central to DL identity, but many DL men are ethically non-monogamous or not romantically involved with women. Cheating is a relationship behavior, not a sexual orientation. Not all DL men are in the closet—they may simply keep different parts of their lives private (Ford et al., 2007).
Myth 2: DL Men Are the Reason Black Women Contract HIV
This myth is rooted in anti-Blackness and homophobia. Multiple studies have shown that structural issues—like lack of access to healthcare, stigma around testing, and medical racism—are the actual drivers of HIV disparities in Black communities (CDC, 2021). scapegoating DL men only diverts attention from real public health solutions.
Myth 3: DL Men Are Just Gay Men in Denial
DL men may be bisexual, pansexual, queer, or same-gender-loving—but not all identify as gay. Sexual identity is deeply personal, and many DL men live full emotional and sexual lives that don’t align with binary categories. DL isn’t always about self-denial. Sometimes it’s about cultural nuance, spiritual conflict, or careful boundary-setting.
Myth 4: DL Men Are Just Trying to “Pass” as Straight
Some DL men are masculine-presenting, but that doesn’t mean they’re trying to be someone they’re not. Many are fluid in both expression and attraction. Black masculinity is complex and doesn’t always conform to what’s visibly “queer.” There are DL men who love their softness—and those who’ve learned to hide it for protection.
Myth 5: DL Culture Is Inherently Harmful to the Queer Community
This is perhaps the most persistent myth. DL culture does not inherently promote homophobia or harm—it reflects the environments that already oppress queer people. The truth is, many DL men want safe connection and community, but feel excluded or judged in mainstream queer spaces that don’t understand the racial and cultural context of their lives.
The Advice: How to Navigate DL Life With Care
If You’re a DL Man:
Know your why: Be clear on your reasons for being discreet—whether it’s safety, privacy, spirituality, or community pressure. That self-awareness will help guide your relationships and reduce guilt.
Practice ethical discretion: You can be honest about your boundaries without revealing everything. Build trust through consent and communication.
Use protection: Your health is your business. Consider condoms, PrEP, and regular testing. Don’t let stigma keep you from staying safe (CDC, 2022).
Don’t internalize shame: There’s nothing wrong with being DL. Just avoid using secrecy as an excuse to hurt others.
Create safe spaces: Join communities like Bi+ Black Men, where your fluid identity can be seen, heard, and respected—even if you’re not out to the world.
If You’re Dating a DL Man:
Be honest with yourself: Can you handle secrecy, limited public interaction, or emotional complexity? If not, that’s okay. Set your standards.
Set boundaries: Ask for what you need emotionally and sexually—without forcing someone to come out before they’re ready.
Avoid projecting: DL does not mean down on themselves. Don’t assume shame where there may be thoughtful privacy.
Respect his safety: Don’t out anyone. You can advocate for authenticity while honoring their timeline.
Join the Conversation
Let’s talk openly about DL culture without shame or erasure. Do you have your own experience navigating discretion, identity, or dating DL men? We want to hear from you.
You can also hear stories like this on our podcast, Bi+ Black Men, available on all streaming platforms and at bisexualblackmen.com/podcast. Join our private community for bi+ Black men at bisexualblackmen.com/join — connect with others, get support, and find your people.
References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2021). HIV and African American Gay and Bisexual Men. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov
Ford, C. L., Whetten, K. D., Hall, S. A., Kaufman, J. S., & Thrasher, A. D. (2007). Black sexuality, social construction, and research targeting ‘the down low’ (‘DL’) phenomenon. Annals of Epidemiology, 17(3), 209–216. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.annepidem.2006.09.009
Herek, G. M. (2009). Sexual stigma and sexual prejudice in the United States: A conceptual framework. In D. Hope (Ed.), Contemporary perspectives on lesbian, gay, and bisexual identities (pp. 65–111). Springer.
Malebranche, D. J. (2008). Bisexually active Black men in the United States and HIV: Acknowledging more than the “down low”. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 37(5), 810–816. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-008-9364-7
Somerville, S. B. (2000). Queering the Color Line: Race and the Invention of Homosexuality in American Culture. Duke University Press.
