Soft Masc Is Bi+ Power: How Music, Fashion, and Fluidity Are Rewriting What It Means to Be a Man
TL;DR
Soft masculinity isn’t weakness—it’s liberation. For Bi+ Black men, embracing softness in how we dress, love, and express ourselves is a form of radical resistance. From music videos to fashion runways, Black men are redefining masculinity on their own terms—and helping others do the same.
The Problem
Traditional masculinity has long been rooted in rigidity, dominance, and silence—especially for Black men. From slavery to the civil rights era and beyond, Black male identity was molded to be stoic, hard, and emotionally distant as a means of survival. But that survival strategy came at a cost: our softness, emotional range, and queerness were seen as threats.
For Bi+ Black men, the pressure to conform to hypermasculine ideals is doubled. We face judgment from both heterosexual and LGBTQ+ communities—accused of being “too much” or “not enough” of something. The consequence? Many of us stay closeted, emotionally guarded, and disconnected from authentic expression.
The Psychology
Soft masculinity is the ability to express gentleness, vulnerability, and style without shame. Psychologists have found that restrictive gender norms negatively impact mental health, especially among men of color (Wong et al., 2017). When Black men are free to be emotional, experimental, or effeminate, they report higher self-esteem and lower depressive symptoms.
Soft masculinity doesn’t negate strength—it expands it. It’s the courage to feel. The power to choose peace over performance. For Bi+ men especially, it opens space to explore queerness in ways that don’t rely on binary labels or behaviors.
The Facts
From Prince to André 3000, Black men have always played with gender and softness—often decades ahead of culture. But today, there’s a new wave of mainstream artists and influencers shifting the narrative more visibly:
Steve Lacy, who openly identifies as bisexual, blends fashion, vulnerability, and R&B with ease—appearing in crop tops, pearls, and nail polish without apology.
Tyler, The Creator has moved from hypermasculine raps to openly queering his art and aesthetic, breaking barriers in hip-hop.
Lil Nas X, while identifying as gay, has also become a poster child for flamboyant, joyful Black queerness in music—a path that helps Bi+ men feel seen, too.
Frank Ocean continues to blur the lines in his songwriting and style, refusing to conform to labels.
Fashion brands like Telfar and Wales Bonner, often designed by or for queer Black creatives, are championing fluid aesthetics embraced by Black men.
In historically homophobic genres like hip-hop and dancehall, there’s been slow but steady progress. Artists like Saucy Santana and even Drake, who has worn painted nails and endorsed Telfar, show how the mainstream is warming to soft masculine expression.
The Advice
Softness isn’t just a fashion statement—it’s a tool for healing and self-definition. Here’s how Bi+ Black men can lean into it:
Play with your style. Paint your nails, wear what feels good, and stop waiting for permission to look fly.
Challenge your inner critic. That voice that says “this isn’t manly” was never yours to begin with.
Support artists and designers who celebrate gender fluidity and queer Black aesthetics.
Express your emotions freely. Crying, journaling, hugging your homeboys—these are soft acts of power.
Find community where you can show up as your full self without fear or fronting.
DATING TIP: softness is not submissiveness. In male-to-male sexual relationships, there’s space for soft tops—men who lead during sex but carry a tender, emotional, or gentle energy. Masculine and feminine traits can live together in one body. Dominance doesn’t require coldness, and softness doesn’t make you passive. For Bi+ Black men, this is a reminder that intimacy doesn’t have to be performative—it can be felt, honest, and mutual.
Join the Conversation
We want to hear how you express soft masculinity. Whether it’s through poetry, clothing, skincare, or simply being vulnerable—your softness matters.
Check out the Bi+ Black Men podcast where we explore masculinity, queerness, and mental health in real talk conversations. Stream now on all platforms or visit bisexualblackmen.com/podcast.
Stay connected with us on Instagram @bisexualblackmen for affirming content and updates on community events.
Want to build with us? Join our private group at bisexualblackmen.com/join for deeper conversation, resources, and healing space.
References
Wong, Y. J., Ho, M. R., Wang, S. Y., & Miller, I. S. (2017). Meta-analyses of the relationship between conformity to masculine norms and mental health-related outcomes. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 64(1), 80–93. https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000176
Gonzales, G., Przedworski, J., & Henning-Smith, C. (2016). Comparison of Health and Health Risk Factors Between Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Adults and Heterosexual Adults in the United States. JAMA Internal Medicine, 176(9), 1344–1351. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamainternmed.2016.3432
