Sex Ed From a Bi+ Lens: Questions You Were Too Ashamed to Ask
TL;DR
Sexual education for Bi+ individuals, particularly Bi+ Black men, is often lacking or incomplete. From navigating intimacy with multiple genders to understanding the safety of different sexual practices, this article explores the questions many Bi+ Black men feel too ashamed to ask. We’ll provide research-based answers to these questions, giving you the tools to take control of your sexual health, relationships, and identity.
The Problem
Traditional sex education has historically failed to cater to the needs of Bi+ Black men. Most educational materials revolve around heterosexual or monosexual frameworks, leading to confusion and shame in non-heteronormative spaces. For Bi+ Black men, this lack of representation is compounded by cultural pressures around masculinity and sexuality. Many Bi+ Black men grow up with little or no information about their unique sexual health needs, leaving them vulnerable to misinformation and harmful stereotypes.
The stigma surrounding bisexuality can lead to difficulty in asking the important questions regarding sexual health, relationships, and intimacy. For many, questions about their own sexual practices, emotional needs, or identity can feel too embarrassing or taboo to ask — often due to fear of judgment or rejection. As a result, critical issues related to sexual health and identity remain unaddressed, leaving Bi+ Black men in the dark.
The Psychology
Sexuality is inherently linked to identity and emotional well-being. For Bi+ Black men, this intersection often involves navigating the complexity of both racial and sexual identities. The stigma surrounding bisexuality, especially within Black communities, can lead to shame and internal conflict (Budge, Adelson, & Howard, 2013). Furthermore, negative stereotypes of bisexuality — such as the assumption that Bi+ men are just “confused” or “experimenting” — only add to the pressure of not asking questions and seeking out guidance.
Psychologically, the fear of being misunderstood can deter many Bi+ Black men from seeking advice or talking about their sexual experiences. The emotional toll of internalizing shame can also contribute to mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and poor body image, especially when one’s desires do not align with societal norms (McDermott, 2021).
The Facts
Here are some key facts to help Bi+ Black men understand their sexual health and navigate intimate relationships:
Sexual Health Resources for Bi+ People: Bi+ men face unique barriers when accessing sexual health resources because mainstream medical services often overlook the needs of people who are attracted to multiple genders. There’s also a shortage of resources tailored specifically to the experiences of Bi+ Black men.
STD/STI Risk: The risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and HIV is dependent on the sexual behaviors engaged in, not on the orientation itself. Bi+ men who practice anal sex or have multiple sexual partners should consider regular screenings, using protection, and engaging in harm-reduction strategies such as PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) for HIV prevention.
The Emotional Aspect of Bisexuality: Many Bi+ men are conflicted about their identity, especially when it’s invalidated or misunderstood. Emotional intimacy in relationships with both men and women can vary significantly, and it’s important for Bi+ individuals to embrace the fluidity of their attraction without guilt or shame.
The Reality of Bisexuality: Bisexuality is a valid sexual orientation, and Bi+ men are not “confused” or “experimenting.” Attraction to multiple genders is a legitimate, stable aspect of who someone is. Bi+ men should embrace their sexuality with confidence, knowing that their desires are valid.
Common Questions You Were Too Ashamed to Ask (and Their Answers)
Here are some common questions that many Bi+ Black men may feel too ashamed to ask, along with research-backed answers.
1.
Does liking anal sex mean I’m gay or bisexual?
No, liking anal sex does not automatically mean you are gay or bisexual. Sexual preferences and desires are diverse, and people of all sexual orientations may enjoy anal sex. What matters most is the connection and consent between partners, not the specific acts performed. Historically, many men, regardless of sexual identity, have engaged in anal sex without it determining their sexuality. In ancient Greece, for example, male-to-male anal sex was not necessarily tied to homosexuality or a person’s overall identity (Krafft-Ebing, 2002). Bisexuality and homosexuality are about emotional and romantic attraction, not about specific sexual acts.
2.
Can I be bisexual if I’ve never had sex before?
Yes, being bisexual is not dependent on sexual experience. Bisexuality is about attraction, which can exist regardless of whether you’ve had sexual experiences. Just like anyone else, you can identify as bisexual and experience attraction to multiple genders, even if you haven’t had sex. The key is understanding your feelings and recognizing your attraction to people of different genders.
3.
How do I navigate relationships with men and women when people say I’m confused?
Being Bi+ doesn’t mean you’re confused. Bisexuality is a valid sexual orientation, and being attracted to multiple genders is a natural variation of human sexuality. If others invalidate your bisexuality, it’s essential to understand that their confusion stems from societal myths and stereotypes. Set boundaries and educate those around you when possible. You don’t need to explain or justify your sexuality to anyone.
4.
How can I safely explore sex with multiple genders without putting my health at risk?
The most important things are communication, protection, and regular checkups. Discuss sexual health and boundaries with all your partners. Always use protection (like condoms) to reduce the risk of STIs and HIV transmission. Get regular STI screenings, especially if you have multiple sexual partners. If you’re at risk for HIV, consider PrEP to help reduce the chance of transmission.
5.
How do I deal with the emotional complexities of being Bi+?
Emotional complexity is natural for everyone, regardless of sexuality. Bi+ people may face specific challenges because their sexual orientation is often misunderstood or erased. It’s vital to understand that your feelings are valid, and taking time to reflect on your desires and emotional needs can help. Communication is key in relationships — be honest with your partners about your needs and the way you experience intimacy. Additionally, talking to a therapist or a supportive community, like Bi+ Black Men, can be beneficial for navigating these emotional complexities.
The Advice
To help you feel empowered and safe in your sexual exploration, here are some tips:
Communicate Openly: Whether you’re exploring sex with men, women, or non-binary people, communication is vital. Discuss your boundaries, desires, and health status with your partners. This ensures that you can enjoy intimacy safely and respectfully.
Practice Safe Sex: Use protection, such as condoms, and consider PrEP for HIV prevention if you’re engaging in high-risk sexual behaviors. Regular screenings for STIs are also essential. It’s better to have an open conversation with your healthcare provider about your sexual health and consider HIV testing and vaccinations, like the HPV vaccine.
Seek Emotional Support: Whether it’s through talking to a therapist or connecting with other Bi+ Black men, find spaces where you can discuss your feelings without shame. Your emotional health is just as important as your physical health, and seeking help is a sign of strength.
Understand Your Sexuality: Your attraction to multiple genders is valid. Take time to explore what feels right for you, and don’t feel pressured to label yourself. Embrace the fluidity of your sexuality and understand that it may evolve over time.
Join the Conversation
It’s time to stop feeling ashamed of asking the hard questions about your sexuality, your health, and your relationships. Join Bi+ Black Men to engage in open, supportive conversations that focus on understanding and celebrating our unique experiences.
You can also listen to the Bi+ Black Men Podcast, available on all streaming platforms, where we dive deeper into topics like sexual health, identity, and building healthier relationships. Let’s keep learning, growing, and supporting each other through our sexual journeys.
Visit bisexualblackmen.com for more resources, advice, and to connect with the community.
References:
Budge, S. L., Adelson, J. L., & Howard, K. A. S. (2013). Anxiety and depression in transgender individuals: The roles of transition status, loss, social support, and coping. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 81(3), 545-557.
Krafft-Ebing, R. (2002). Psychopathia Sexualis (Rev. ed.). Kessinger Publishing.
McDermott, E. (2021). Bisexual men: Sexual health risks and interventions. Sexual Health, 18(4), 369-376.
